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7th June - Our Report on the Final Warning
The Final Warning to Mankind was a resounding success! The people of London have been warned. Our report has many images.
At 2pm on July 6th 2009, Rev Priest and Pope Mickey Finn rallied local subgenius cult members at Speakers Corner to deliver "Bob's" Final Warning To Mankind.
Pope Mickey Finn drew in the crowds, discussed the nature of truth in an ever-evolving world, then blessed Rev Priest, giving official Infallibility to Rev Priest's sermon.
Dark Times
Dressed in a silver space-suit, Rev Priest then described the times we live in. Full of government corruption, police violence and murder, war-mongering religion, and a media too distracted by Press Release Journalism and Celebrity Gossip to print the truth.
Rev Priest explained that these dark times are evidence that we are now living in the End Times, predicted by "Bob" in the one true holy book, the Book Of The Subgenius. Holy prophecies show, of course, that the End Times will be followed by The End.
He continued, describing how Alien Flying Saucer Death Machines are speeding their way towards Earth, and are now less than 28 days away! They plan to destroy this precious planet, reducing it to nothing more than a burned out cinder.
These dark times, it seems, are about to get worse!
Salvation!
The gathered crowds, subgenius brothers and sisters, members of the public and representatives of the media appeared panicked and frightened.
Luckily, Rev Priest pointed out that the Subgenius Cult's great leader, "Bob," has made a deal with the approaching alien threat. For a small administration fee, the Subgenius Foundation Corporation is accepting applications for eternal salvation.
Delays
However, in order to guarantee delivery of essential documentation, the Subgenius Foundation requires an administration and delivery period of up to 28 days.
Rev Priest pointed out that this means that it is now too late to apply for salvation through traditional methods, for the alien threat will arrive before an application can be properly processed.
Applying In Person
However, Rev Priest maintained, there is still hope! Subgenius agents will be accepting personal applications at two venues globally on the days prior to the swarm of alien vessels destroying the earth.
American applicants may still apply in person at Brushwood in New York, USA.
More relevantly for European applicants, the European Church Of the Subgenius will be accepting personal applications at their End Of The World Show Spectacular. From 10pm on July 4th, at the Rhythm Factory in Aldgate, the European Church Of The Subgenius will entertain you with Music, DJs, Bands and comedy all night long until the Alien Invasion begins. This show is now your last chance to escape the earth before the invasion begins.
5th June - Subgenius UFO Cult Defies Protest
A press release - the rally will go ahead!
London, UK, 5th June 2009 -- Reverend Priest of the European Church Of The Subgenius has announced that he is determined to present his final warning to mankind tomorrow, despite threatened protest from Londoners Against Dangerous Superstition.
"The Church Of The Subgenius will not be intimidated into silence by the Conspiracy against us," said Rev Priest, "When the UFOs land next month, then L.A.D.S. will see what 'Dangerous Superstition' really means."
Since its inception in 1953, Church founder J.R. "Bob" Dobbs has predicted that a fleet of flying saucers will arrive at the beginning of July to destroy the worldwide Conspiracy against the Church of the Subgenius, while all ordained Subgenius ministers will be rescued by escape vessels piloted by the Alien Sex Goddesses, also known as the Xists.
"Due to administrative delays, applications to escape the destruction of the planet must be submitted 28 days prior to the destruction itself," said Rev Priest, "mankind has a right to be warned that this is their last chance to escape Earth in time."
Despite the threat of protest against him, Rev Priest remained defiant, "We will go ahead! The final warning will be given at 2pm at Speakers Corner, Hyde Park, London. Press, Media and The Public are all welcome."
3rd June - Rationalist Group Protests UFO Cult's Announcement.
It seems someone thinks we're insane. From a press wire:
London, UK, June 3rd 2009: A small group of rationalist free thinkers have organized a protest against dangerous UFO cult "The European Church Of The Subgenius," to be held at the church's rally this weekend.
The European Church Of The Subgenius will be making an announcement at 2pm this Saturday the 6th of June at Speakers Corner, Hyde Park, London. They will be parading their lies, fear-mongering, and hate speech in front of the public and the media while distributing fliers for their church meeting.
Londoners Against Dangerous Superstition, or LADS, will be protesting at this event with banners and rationalist slogan shouting.
"The Subgenius so-called church propagates lies, hate, and fear in an attempt to brainwash the public with their anti-scientific superstitious dogma," said Andi Hall, founder of LADS, "Those who fall prey to this manipulation are asked to make a 'donation' to the church, sometimes even to take out loans in order to pay this 'donation'. It doesn't matter if their victims can't pay back these loans, for the church claims the world will end before payments are due!"
Andi continued, "This organisation is a blasphemy, a trivialisation of religious meaning and spiritualistic rationality."
Escaped former Subgenius members, and family and friends of those still in the grip of this dangerous cult, will picket the supposed church's "final warning" announcement this weekend. They will warn passers by against taking the church at it's word, and offer advice and sympathy to those who have been taken in my this heinous organisation.
The subgenius foundation corporation is considering legal action. Watch this space.
1st June 2009 - Advance Notice of Official Last Warning
The European Church Of The Subgenius invites the public and the media to an official "Final Warning" at Hyde Park, Speakers Corner on Saturday the 6th of June at 2pm.
Dressed in a Subgenius Space Corps spacesuit, ordained minister Rev. Priest will announce that there remain only twenty four hours to apply for Eternal Salvation before administrative and postal delays could prevent the processing of your application until after the destruction of the planet.
The Subgenius Foundation Corporation can only guarantee delivery of official salvation documentation after a 28 day processing period, so if you want to receive your ticket to the UFOs in time for the predicted world-ending calamity at 7am on July 5th you have only twenty four hours from the time of this Final Warning to submit your application.
Rev. Priest will be accompanied by the pope of all Southern England who will give his Papal blessing to the official warning, making it infallible.
The text of Rev. Priest's warning follows, although some details may change between now and date of the final delivery.
Brothers and Sisters, ladies and gentlemen, fellow preachers and assembled media.
These are dark times.Our legal representatives are all on the take, corruption and kickbacks and bribery characterise the government.
Protest is suppressed with police violence, the murder of innocent citizens, random searches and electronic database tracking of every financial and government transaction. Even the web pages you browse are tracked and monitored to be used against you.
This, they say, is for your own safety! As though branding you with an ID card makes you immune from terrorist bombs.
The conspiracy tells you that they need to take away your freedoms to protect them from terrorists, while the terrorists themselves have no legal powers to do a damned thing to that freedom.
Not only the government conspiracy, but also the religious conspiracies are leading us into darker and darker times. Muslims and Christians are facing off in what looks like it could shape up to be the battle of the century. Is Allah more powerful than Jehovah? Which of their followers are more prone to persecute the other?
Catholic popes are condemning the use of life-saving condoms, instead of handing out FREE ONES like the Subgenius church does, dooming more and more to suffer from the consequences of pregnancy or AIDS.
Creationism is creeping into our classrooms, the religions attempting to force their nonsense into young minds, polluting the science lab with myth and politics.
Some religions are even preaching that the world will end imminently, and that there's therefore no point in trying to save the planet, for the planet is doomed. The Gods will start Armageddon whatever we do. Can you imagine a better way to screw the world up? To make people lose hope? To bring that very end about?
You would think in the modern age that we'd be kept fully informed about these things, but the conspiracy media is full of nothing but PR stunts for yet more corporate sucking up of power and money. Wanna-be Celebs dressed in silly clothes spouting whatever nonsense they have to in order to grab column inches.
The newspapers are full of press releases and celebrity gossip, conveniently leaving no room for actual TRUTH! Most of the media probably won't even report on this official warning! Preferring to keep the masses in the dark about their impending doom.
No, all the media is interested in is SCARING YOU, telling you what dark and horrible times you live in, in order to get you to BUY THEIR STUFF. Those hypocrites! Using fear and doom-mongering to sell their message.
Never has the conspiracy been so strong! Never have times been so dark! The supply of slack never been so scarce! These, my friends, truly are the End Times predicted by "Bob" in the good book. The last blast. The endgame.
And what did "Bob" say would end those end times?
Intervention from higher beings!
Our glorious leader, "Bob," has been in contact with these higher beings, talked to them, been probed by them, and eventually discovered their plan to harvest this planet.
If you think things are bad now, wait till the enemy invades! The enemy is coming for us, for YOU! Make no mistake. You must surely do whatever we ask you to do in order to escape the wrath of the enemy who could launch missiles of mass destruction on us in just forty five seconds!
Their great flying saucer death machines are on route to this planet even as I rant. Their aim: To burn this planet and everyone living on it. Are you afraid? ARE YOU AFRAID?
Were it not for the grace of "Bob" we would all surely be doomed!
Luckily for us, "Bob's" divine salesmanship is so great he made a DEAL with the aliens. A select few of us can escape on-board their flying-saucer love machines just seconds before the death-machines strike.
However, in order to process your application to escape the obliteration of the earth and gain eternal salvation before this destruction date, the Subgenius Foundation Corporation needs to receive your documentation and payment a full 28 days before the date in question.
This means there are just 24 hours left now to submit your application in time to be guaranteed a place aboard the escape vessels!
Submit your application at Subgenius.com
Should you fail to meet this important deadline there will remain just two options open to be SAVED! You will need to apply in person and present your processing fee at one of the official Subgenius Processing centers. Either in Brushwood, New York, USA, or the at the European Subgenius End Of The Word Show Spectacular at the Rhythm Factory in Aldgate, 16 Whitechapel Road, London.
Doors will open at 10pm on July the 4th, and entertainment will be provided all night long until the UFOs come to destroy the world at 7am the next day. Entry is just 10 pounds, or eight with a Subgenius membership card or a flyer downloadable from the website.
Arrive early to guarantee entry, this event may be oversubscribed.
We will have Bands, DJs, Comedy, Preaching and of course the show will end with THE COMPLETE DESTRUCTION OF THE WORLD. For your pleasure.
Please, we want to save as many people as possible, so submit your applications through subgenius.com WITHIN TWENTY FOUR HOURS or else come and join us at the shows next month. It is your VERY LAST CHANCE TO BE SAVED.
European Event details are at http://dalliance.net/xday2009/
American Event details are at http://subgenius.com/newdevivals.html
Apply for eternal salvation NOW at http://subgenius.com/
Rev. Priest will then take questions from the crowd.
Speakers Corner Map: http://streetmap.co.uk/map.srf?x=527814&y=180820
Last Warning Facebook Event: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=84467308115
11th May 2009 - Alien Invasion
While the world goes crazy over Romulans invading Vulcan in the new Star Trek movie, a small cult of devoted UFO nuts are preparing for an alien invasion of Earth.
The European Church Of The Subgenius believes that alien invasion is imminent, that the UFOs will arrive at 7am on July the 5th.
"They're totally going to destroy the planet," said Reverend Priest, 36, "only the select few will be saved."
The cult is planning a special End Of The World Show Spectacular at the Rhythm Factory in Aldgate through the night of the 4th of July, ending at 6am with a procession to the river where cult leaders claim to have arranged to be picked up by the Aliens at 7am prompt as they destroy the world.
"We'll party like it's our last night on earth, because it is!" claimed Rev Priest, the event's main organiser, "We'll have great bands, great DJs, comedy and preaching from some of the best Subgenus Preachers in Europe. What more could you want?"
Rev Priest explained the point of the event, "We want to save as many people as possible from the dire alien threat, please come along, this will be your last chance to be saved, to be spared when the aliens come."
Bands appearing at the show include "Vrillion," "Frodo Freud," "Fit And The Conniptions," and "Milli Moonstone" along with DJ sets from "The Alchemist" and "DJ Tequila."
There will be comedy and preaching throughout the night from "Pope Black," "Rev Priest," "Pope Mickey Finn" and "The Andi Christ."
The European Church Of The Subgenius' End Of The World Show Spectacular opens it's doors at the Rhythm Factory, 16 Whitechapel Road, Aldgate, E1 1EW. at 10pm on 4th July 2009.
For more information visit http://dalliance.net/xday2009/
The global Church Of The Subgenius website is at http://subgenius.com/
Rev Priest can be contacted at pre@dalliance.net or 07739 127 335
Image - An Artists Impression Of The Invasion
(Click here for a large version)
