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Final Warning To Mankind: 6th June 2009

At 2pm on July 6th 2009, Rev Priest and Pope Mickey Finn rallied local subgenius cult members at Speakers Corner to deliver "Bob's" Final Warning To Mankind.

Pope Mickey Finn drew in the crowds, discussed the nature of truth in an ever-evolving world, then blessed Rev Priest, giving official Infallibility to Rev Priest's sermon.

Dark Times

Dressed in a silver space-suit, Rev Priest then described the times we live in. Full of government corruption, police violence and murder, war-mongering religion, and a media too distracted by Press Release Journalism and Celebrity Gossip to print the truth.

Rev Priest explained that these dark times are evidence that we are now living in the End Times, predicted by "Bob" in the one true holy book, the Book Of The Subgenius. Holy prophecies show, of course, that the End Times will be followed by The End.

He continued, describing how Alien Flying Saucer Death Machines are speeding their way towards Earth, and are now less than 28 days away! They plan to destroy this precious planet, reducing it to nothing more than a burned out cinder.

These dark times, it seems, are about to get worse!

Salvation!

The gathered crowds, subgenius brothers and sisters, members of the public and representatives of the media appeared panicked and frightened.

Luckily, Rev Priest pointed out that the Subgenius Cult's great leader, "Bob," has made a deal with the approaching alien threat. For a small administration fee, the Subgenius Foundation Corporation is accepting applications for eternal salvation.

Delays

However, in order to guarantee delivery of essential documentation, the Subgenius Foundation requires an administration and delivery period of up to 28 days.

Rev Priest pointed out that this means that it is now too late to apply for salvation through traditional methods, for the alien threat will arrive before an application can be properly processed.

Applying In Person

However, Rev Priest maintained, there is still hope! Subgenius agents will be accepting personal applications at two venues globally on the days prior to the swarm of alien vessels destroying the earth.

American applicants may still apply in person at Brushwood in New York, USA.

More relevantly for European applicants, the European Church Of the Subgenius will be accepting personal applications at their End Of The World Show Spectacular. From 10pm on July 4th, at the Rhythm Factory in Aldgate. The European Church Of The Subgenius will entertain you with Music, DJs, Bands and comedy all night long until the Alien Invasion begins. This show is now your last chance to escape the earth before the invasion begins.

Protest

A this point, it transpired that one of the gathered crowd was in fact Andi Hall, founder of Londoners Against Dangerous Superstition. He became incensed at what he saw as lies and worrying lack of rationality. He began handing out banners protesting against "Bob", and The Church Of The Subgenius. It looked as though violence could break out at any moment.

Rev Priest answered all of Mr Hall's challenges though, eventually confessing that, yes, like all other religions the Subgenius Cult is a made-up church, invented by human minds. Rev Priest pointed out that this in fact made the Subgenius Cult more true than all the other religions since they are the only church which clearly admits this fact.

This seemed to quieten the protest, and angry clashes between protesters and cult members eventually subsided with no blood spilled on either side.

Parade

Rev Priest then lead the gathered crowds on a march down Oxford Street, chanting and handing out leaflets describing the coming apocalypse, helping people to escape the slaughter, encouraging them to come along and enjoy the show.

Members of the public seemed surprised, even baffled, at the spectacle. Some were surely afraid. Many, however, gladly took flyers from those participating in the parade, grateful that they had been alerted that there remained only one hope for them, promising to join the European Church at the End Of The World show next month.


Video

Images

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